Call for Courage – Announcing the Cheap Courage Challenge

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Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

When I talk about Cheap Courage these days, do you even know what I mean? I’ve had this blog for so long I wonder if half of you understand the meaning behind the name or what it is I’m trying to get at. My bio reads, “Cheap Courage is [my] blog dedicated to doing what scares you with confidence.” But that’s not only limited to MAJOR life changes; I want you to live with courage each and every day.

In short, I am totally all about those DAILY WINS! I am not asking you to quit your job and travel the world, or to get married next week. I’m asking all of you (and mostly myself) to have a little courage each and every day of your life.

What could that look like? What would you do without judgement?
-Say something if you see someone getting shoved on the subway
-Tell your roommate you can’t stand it when she leaves dirty spoons in the sink
-Ask for a review from your boss (randomly, midyear, get wild!)
-Try Kombucha
-Try cooking something complicated
-Post a workout selfie

Courage is like a muscle. The less you use it, the harder it will be to flex. But if you start small, over time, you will get stronger and stronger and your Courage muscle will be huge! You’ll be able to make more difficult decisions with care and precision, instead of hyperventilating.

That’s where the Cheap Courage Challenge comes in.

I will be posting small challenges every month this year. They’ll be little things to get you started on a path of challenging and exploring yourself. You’ll also come to find and recognize how often you are courageous, without even knowing it.

So with that, I bring you our JANUARY CHEAP COURAGE CHALLENGE.

This month I want you to reach out to someone you’ve been wanting to/meaning to/had every intention of calling. It can be a family member you haven’t spoken to in awhile, a blogger or Influencer you enjoy, someone from high school who just moved to your city and could use a friend, the coworker you actively ignore. REACH OUT. Say hi! Say whatever it is you’ve been wanting or meaning to say. You never know what could happen.

Check in with my corresponding IG post and let me know how it goes! I’ll be sharing mine there today!

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Guest Post: Are You Flinch Tolerant? Why You Need to Burn to Heal

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Photo: Giovanni Riberio

The first time I touched a flame I flinched. Natural reaction to the rising heat against my delicate skin. A primal instinct of “Ouch, that hurts”! As I’ve grown older the flame real and metaphorical is harder to flinch at. There’s a numbness or rather a tolerance to the things I inherently know are bad for me. The longer it’s taken to flinch has been an indication of how much I’ve let various misfortunes rule my life. It’s a dare, a means of control, yearning to feel—to test or merely seeking to punish. Ultimately, yes, a measure of my self worth or lack there of. So noting and treating my torrential mood disorder, physical pains, and self esteem—felt incredibly self indulgent. The overarching goal was power through and survive.

The other drive has been this intense need to control my narrative.

How can I go through so much in a lifetime? Sometimes I feel like a combination of bizarre statistics or I must be remembering wrong or I’m on a sick and twisted game of candid camera. I didn’t want to be defined by my chronic mental & physical illnesses. I didn’t want people to see me as damaged for having been raped and physically assaulted. I didn’t want to admit I’d attempted and failed to end it all more than once. I ultimately didn’t want the secret out that I didn’t have it all figured out. If I let that slip then I felt I wouldn’t be free to chase my ambitions. “Someday I’ll take a break and figure shit out”, I’d say. Until that day I’d work tirelessly to appear be the badass I worked hard to cultivate.

Sure, there have been pockets of time where I have been forced to heal. Whether it was hospitalization, therapy or just my own personal obsession to occasionally “treat myself” to the holistic life.

I must admit, I judged the hemp-shake hippie lapses as flights of fancy. I normally left no space for treating myself— I even gave myself a silly allowance for tears. “Only twice a year!” (No more than that seemed necessary.) Little did I know how it’d add up.

Life has a way of bringing about lessons over and over again until they finally sink in. So, just in time for what seems to be the self care revolution—I am all here for it.

When you become “flinch tolerant”, you emit a beacon. This beacon attracts predators/negative energy in abundance. Yes, law of attraction. I had been violated emotionally & physically to my core but—- hadn’t flinched in so long. The more it happened the less I wanted to recognize the flame. Not anymore. My change of heart came from a sudden health scare that made me realize how much I had to lose, how much I had to be grateful for, and I had to start to respect myself. My body is my temple so time to clean house. Writing this and becoming transparent with my close friends & family is my attempt to be held accountable. No excuses. And if it reaches one person I’ll consider the band-aid rip worth it.

So what am I getting at—Check in. Does it hurt? Do you judge self care as self indulgent? Do you become irritable at happiness of others or even yourself? Do you experience physical and/or emotional pain regularly that you don’t address? Is it getting worse? Do you go so far as to question your very existence because you stopped allowing feeling —therefore lacking some kind of meaning? You aren’t alone as I have learned and there are so many ways to address this.

We all had those balancing habits the things that brought us back to equilibrium when the pain got us to or close to flinch. Crystals. Kombucha tea. Yoga. Binge watching FRIENDS. Talking to your real friends. Running. Meditation. Prank calls. Ridged potato chips. Star gazing. Point is we checked in and released the tension through these rituals.

It’s time to get consistent. The older we get the less inclined we are to find these things as sacred tension relieving rituals but rather we see them as flighty indulgences made under the protection of early life. It’s shocking how many of us don’t afford time to even really breathe. So do it.

Soothe the aches, the burn in your life. Feel it-flinch even. Note what feels good and what doesn’t. Anoint the ritual of magazine collage making as sacred and utterly important to your ultimate well being. The burns will heal. It’ll sting at first but in time you’ll reveal a new layer. It is in the act of numbing the flinch that we create the eternal cycle that gnaws so earnestly. End the cycle. Find your happy place and feel your sad place and if you have the inclination—seek deeper and deeper into the balance of the peaceful place.

 

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Photo by: Zachery Ali

 

Asta Paredes is a dynamic and multi-talented actress and filmmaker based in New York City. She is most well known for her lead role as CHRISSY in RETURN TO NUKE ‘EM HIGH VOL. 1 & 2. After a whirlwind tour (from the 2013 Cannes Film Festival, International Theatrical Release, and recognition as a 2013 Museum of Modern Art CONTENDERS SERIES film)- she came home to being a mix of unexpected cult icon status, outspoken advocate for LGBT rights, and critical acclaim.

You can learn more at:
www.astaparedes.com
IG: @astaparedes

What Life Should Be Like

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I’m back post-holiday to return to my blogging roots–talking about some serious business. *Queue Serious Music* I took a little break to get into the holiday spirit with my gift guide and to support a group of incredible female entrepreneurs. But now… it’s back to business as usual.

Today I’m talking about shoulds, how they haunt me.

Sometimes (seriously, sometimes) I can come off as pretty collected and calm. But that’s after many years of learning to be that way. By nature I am a worrier. When I was 12 I stopped sleeping at night, plagued by insomnia and anxiety by my very *complicated* life. I was sick over old things and worried for new things and was very tightly wound. My memory of that year, and even the next couple after that, is of lying in bed every night, wide awake and troubled.

I’ve come a long way since those days. I am often able to sleep through the night and have been doing that for years. But lately, I find myself falling into old patterns. Waking in the night to start worrying and overthinking. Spiraling knowing very well I shouldn’t be. It’s odd to find myself here 18 years later.

The cause of it all, of course, is the shoulds of my life. I am straight up shoulding myself. Maybe it’s because I turned 30 this month or it’s because my life keeps butting up against serious life moments (for not just me, but my friends and family around me too) and it is causing me to look at my life and start making choices for my future in a new and terrifying way.

When I was younger all I wanted was focus and security, even though my nature is (again) the opposite of this. I crave new things, excitement, and change. To counter that I made highly secure choices and this, unlike my efforts to calm myself, has backfired into making me feel caged in and to put it bluntly, kind of a big fat failure. I keep telling myself that I SHOULD be doing X,Y,Z or that I SHOULD HAVE done X,Y,Z when I had the chance. On the surface I guess this looks a little like a midlife crisis but really it’s the return of the same fears I had at 12 years old:

What is all of this? What should life be like? 

Smaller goals over time (graduate high school, graduate college, do not starve) gave me the ability to stray from the bigger picture, the life picture, that I saw back when I was a little girl who could not turn her brain off no matter how hard she tried. No matter how tired she was at school the next day and the day after. The smaller goals are now accomplishments to be proud of,  but as I stare down the next phase of life, without any small hurdles to cross, the big questions I never answered “What do I want to be when I grow up?” “What do I want to see and do?” “Who do I want to be?” are bubbling up with a ferocity of a caged animal.

The positive in all of this is that with my blinders removed I have the opportunity to start exploring the things I have always been afraid to try. And that is what I need to keep in my mind–that instead of anxiousness for the future, I can instead feel excitement for it. I am standing on a cliff and I can jump or I can worry about would happen if I did. (I hope there’s a net there…)

The answer to what life should be like is this: to not look for shoulds and instead find joy in the past we’ve survived the potential of what can be in the future.

But it’s never so easy. I’ve been here before. You’ve all been there with me and you’re probably rolling your eyes getting ready to push me off any old cliff already. I feel you. I can say it and I can write it but living that truth is so much harder in reality. I’ll keep working to balance out of course… that’s who I am and though I’ve tried not to be, that hasn’t changed. I’ve been here before and I am sure I will keep coming back to it. I can only hope it will one day result in something great.

How do you handle your fear of the future? Do you keep trying obsessively to smooth out your life or am I crazy? Curious to know.

Holiday Gift Guide – Illustrated Clothing & Accessories – Cherry & Mint

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I came across Zoey’s @CherryandMint Instagram feed one rainy day. I was tired and crabby and her page and designs just lit me up. I had also just recently read a long NYMag article about the history of Memphis design and Zoey’s designs are truly the next iteration of it. What’s Memphis? Think squiggles, think bright colors, think Terrazzo flooring.

Zoey takes this iconic 80s pattern and applies it to incredibly trendy clothing and accessories. Everything is nostalgic but nothing is dated. The quality and love she puts into every design shows and her energy and engagement on IG makes her one of my favorite accounts to follow.

Also, I have great news. Zoey gave me an exclusive discount code just for my readers. She doesn’t do these often, so it is a great chance to get an amazing piece at a steal price. I’ve selected my favorites below and since I’ve been working so hard on everyone else’s gifts I’d like to treat myself! Go ahead and pick one for you and then shoot me a note on what I should get myself. I’ll be waiting!

EXCLUSIVE DISCOUNT CODE FOR CHERRY&MINT: AMANDA15 (for 15% off) HERE

 

 

 

Holiday Gift Guide – Handmade Jewelry in NYC – The Roving

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Kaitlyn Usher of The Roving

As promised I am posting spotlights on some of my favorite brands that I featured in my 2017 Holiday Gift Guide. The gift guide features all female entrepreneurs and their products, some are well-established and others are just getting started on their journey.

I met Kaitlyn Usher through Instagram. It was sort of like online dating except we liked each other’s stuff for a year before I bought something from her site and then liked stuff for another 6 months before I invited her out to a dinner for women I host once a quarter. I clearly have no chill. But I was obsessed with how she ran her company, The Roving. (And still am, thus why she had to be in the Holiday Gift Guide.)

Her obvious joy for what she does, her authenticity in each and every IG comment, and the quality and detail of her work drew me in fast. Her feed is perfectly curated (something we know I struggle with) and her jewelry is absolutely unique. Kaitlyn stays away from obvious trends that flood fast fashion stores, and sticks to clean lines. But those clean lines have edge! She uses hards metals, chains, stones you’d want to tile your apartment with, and bright neon beads. They are a grown-up way to say “I’m a little wild” without going off the deep end.

I featured the pair of earrings I bought from her in the Holiday Gift Guide but then she went ahead and released a whole bunch of new stuff and I am just sitting around trying to decide what to buy! Really!  3 of my favorite items from her newest batch are below, hover over to see cost and description and let me know which one you think I should get and I will! I am really into the yellow ones. (Yellow is my favorite color!)

And let me know if you purchase something from Kaitlyn due to my guide. I’d love to know what you buy and see you wearing it.

DECEMBER 16th is final ship day for items from The Roving. It is also her FREE SHIPPING DAY! Hop on that deal!