I had this crazy thought pass through me earlier this week when I was meditating on a question posed to me:
If you had an unlimited supply of cash, what would you spend your life doing?
And while I don’t entirely have a clear answer to that question yet, the notion that writing wouldn’t be enough bubbled up out of me. And shockingly… I wasn’t alarmed or concerned. I didn’t panic because I had just nudged my lifelong dream off a cliff. I took it for what it was and have been thinking about it ever since.
The gist is this: I don’t know if writing alone could fill me with enough purpose to be my singular endeavor. Perhaps this has been the underlying problem all along. I don’t submit pieces to contests or magazines very often. I write in a silo afraid of other writers. I rarely share my words with anyone at all. And while, yes, I am working to remedy those now obvious roadblocks, I’m thinking that there’s a vital piece of me missing in all of this. A part of me that might very well be sabotaging my writing life and keeping me from doing more with it (like I should).
This might be the social piece of me that gets lonely when I write. The piece that loves to connect with people. That loves to answer their questions, hold their hands, work through their problems alongside them. I have always hoped that my words would help people through rough patches. That they’d read what I have to say and not feel so alone. But what if I am also meant to physically be there with them, not just on a page? Then what? Writing will always be on this journey with me and perhaps there’s a way to make it my purpose, but until then I do need to explore this a lot more.
I think in the past this would have really bummed me out. But since I’ve been focusing on making myself happy for the past couple of years, this feels right and like part of my journey as a whole.
Anyway, do me a favor and spend 5 minutes in the next couple of days meditating on this question. If you truly had unlimited cash, what would you do with your life? Maybe endless vacations would make you happy, and that’s cool, but really take the time to envision a life where money was no object and you could do whatever you wanted. What would you do this year? For 5 years? For 10 years? Start a company? Start a family? Move? Write every single day? Record your debut album? What?!
Sometimes the things we’ve been chasing aren’t what we’re meant to be chasing, or they are but they need to be modified. And that’s okay. And the sooner we recognize that, the better.
PS – Don’t be alarmed that I am going to, like, quit writing or something. I’m not! And I’ll probably be writing the same amount. I am just now attuned to the other parts of my life, looking for answers. Do not be afraid to do the same!!! Challenging yourself is a good thing. Always.