Finding My Place

I’ll be addressing all forms of writing on here but today we’re focusing on creative writing because this is where my journey started. Actually, this is where most of my conscious life started. My first poetry journal was started at the age of 6. I still have it and I couldn’t spell for shit and I was obsessed with Emily Dickinson. Terrifying.

My hero at 6 years old. Totally normal.
My hero at 6 years old. Totally normal.

When I was in college, I didn’t pay attention much to my future. I took most of it one day (ok, one weekend) at a time and just tried to live for each moment. I was happy, it was blast, I got a few degrees, blah blah, here I am as an adult 4 years later. I didn’t want to go to Grad School for Creative Writing despite my certificate in it because I was already so tired of Academics-With-a-Capital-A.

If you’re like me, and I hope you are, you love reading, you love writing, and you love discussing books. You also hate self-centered entitled pricks who like to name-drop authors that their parents know and dismiss any viewpoint that is not their own. As childish as it may seem, I was afraid that this was what Grad School would be like. Quite honestly, I never felt smart enough to talk to any of those people about anything academic and I never felt supported by them. I didn’t feel as though I was a part of their world.

So I didn’t do anything. I let my fear cripple me until I was living in New York and working a desk job. The city’s punishing atmosphere gave me new inner strength and I grew up to be a stronger woman. I am coming to terms with the fact that I may not be a desirable candidate for publication. I am not tied to an amazing graduate program, I am little known but mostly not known at all, and I am still VERY much, honing my craft. I am not someone a Lit Mag would proudly list as a past contributor.

When I re-entered Writer’s World last year, I was completely overwhelmed by the sheer number of literary magazines. To find your niche it’s a good idea to  buy their mag and learn about what kind of submissions they accept and enjoy. I do and will always buy lit mags because I enjoy reading them. But wow, what an expensive, exhausting task. I feel like I am searching for El Dorado.

Working to find my niche has brought back old insecurities: I don’t fit in. I am determined to work at this. I don’t want to bail on becoming a part of this community yet again. I need to remind myself of what you all need to know and consider in this arduous process: you are not alone.

I’ll keep you updated on how this journey goes.

 

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