How Do I Build a Meaningful Life?

My first post after a long hiatus and I find myself deeply changed but not yet able to cope with those changes, or what they mean, or how they will alter the course of my life. What I am trying to learn, what I think we all wish to ultimately achieve in one way or another, is the ability to live in each moment. To be able to grasp the problems of our now and change it. Not to fret about the future or dwell on the past, but to handle what we can in our given moment with our given strengths and learned tools.

My now is that I find myself single. I find myself single and in New York City. I’m suddenly a television show. I’m suddenly a different person. I’m suddenly alone. I’m suddenly navigating single-dog-parentdom. I’m suddenly bleeding cash. I’m suddenly moving. I’m suddenly sudden.

I’ve approached this before. My personality and how I am happier when I am making others happy. Happier when there is a need for me. These days, there is little need for me. My dog, who is now definitely and without hesitation MY dog, Ajax, needs me. And I need me. That’s about it. And that’s hard for me.

The optimists say to look at this as a moment of rebuilding. I have a chance to completely change my life. I have the chance to add and remove at will. I could go anywhere, I could do anything, I can finally, finally, build my meaningful life.

But how do I get there?

I’m compelled to bring up Bridget Jones’ Diary. It has always been a favorite movie of mine, and one that I watch once or twice a year. I actually do prefer the film to the book, which is rare for me. It has always spoken to me, regardless of my relationship status, because at its root, aside from the love triangle and dashing men, it is a movie about building a meaningful life. It’s about creating a life that you love. And sometimes that doesn’t look like someone else’s life.

In fact, it isn’t supposed to look like anyone else’s life at all.

It’s supposed to look like mine. Yours is supposed to look like yours. How am I just learning this? How far deep has my head been buried under the sand?

I’m trying to dig out. After a vacation and indulging in many nights out with friends who nod their heads and celebrate my life and my choices, I’m here now. Back to my words, back to the keyboard, and back to discovering what it is that I was meant to be doing here on this planet. It’s hard to find myself back here again. Because where I once wrote from a joyful heart, I now write from a lost one. Like Esther Greenwood’s heart beat “I am, I am, I am.” I feel mine asking, “Am I? Am I? Am I?”

So it’s time to build my meaningful life. To throw away and add at will, to see what happiness is, to test the waters of many different things. To share with you what it’s like to start anew at 27. Whether I am ready to do so or not.

It’s easy to want to hide from the news that I am single. And I have been. Because it was so many threads unraveling from a very big blanket. It took a little bit of time, but the whole blanket finally unraveled. It’s still hard to explain and scary to share because I don’t want to be accused of airing dirty laundry. For some reason I still want to protect him, his reputation, his own meaningful life.

But then I realized there is a difference between dirty laundry, and what are facts of life. Facts of MY life. And those, I can share. Those I can tell you all about. My life with a blank slate. A slate that I’ve been eyeing for weeks but that I’m not quite sure I know what to do with it. What to say about it, what to write on it. I imagine it will come to me. It has to. It has to. It has to.

Because maybe that’s where I’ll find something that makes me, and only me, happy.

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3 thoughts on “How Do I Build a Meaningful Life?

  1. You have always been such a powerful and amazing force. Never feel alone or scared and enjoy yourself. You are your own. There is nothing but endless and beautiful possibilities awaiting you.

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  2. Amanda, I have known you for a long time ..you were a young girl along with your older brother and younger brother. Back then I knew your whole family and you all are still a wonderful part of my life !! Your mom and i just simply clicked … Forever Friends .. Hard to explain but I think you do know we must have been very close in another lifetime .. Anyway back to you.. I’m so very impressed with all that you do. You express yourself so well I love reading your words and your thoughts.. You have put so much into your life… You made me stop and think about my own life too and all kinds of true reflections. Thank you for sharing I eould say so much more but you my sweet young lady are the one with the Magical talent of putting thoughts and feelings so well together!! I love you like the daughter I never had! Thank you for that too!! But I could never take your Moms place .. My sister in the other life long ago…
    Stay well keep writing. Life will always be good to you this I know!!
    Always here for you!! ❤️
    Reenie.

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