Relaxing is Harder than Running Myself into The Ground

I hope you’ll excuse the little hiatus. And understand that last week I wanted to write and be witty and smart but I just couldn’t get there. I sat down everyday and provided nothing but rocks that sunk, deep into the sea, when I tossed them. Nothing stuck.

Then I went to New Orleans to celebrate nothing other than being young with my high school friends. One of these friends I have known for a quarter of a century. When you start knowing people for a quarter of a century, you know you’re getting up there. I am also hopeful that I have something like 3 more quarters left. I had a blast and I did feel young. That city will make anyone feel young (if even that means you then feel very, very, old as you recover the next day).

As I draft this, the sun’s coming up and my boyfriend’s alarm has gone on for close to an hour. I’ve spent some time stretching a tight back and wondering what I will say now that the pen moves a little more freely and my thoughts don’t piss me off. I want to address the importance of relaxing. Some people do this naturally but a lot of people, people born under a fire sign like me, don’t know how.

Since the holidays I haven’t felt very creative or in charge of my own time. I have just been holding on. 2015 hasn’t been life changing, but I have been trying to give myself a break. Which is good, since my tarot card reader in NOLA told me three separate times, in between Bud Select tall boy sips, to slow down. I’ve been trying to give everyone else a break too, but that hasn’t been going too well this week. I’m exhausted and missing grits. This makes me crabby.

I pressed through the holidays writing and exercising like I always do and when I tried to unwind by watching some TV or reading a book, my mind thought about being productive instead. I turned everything over in my head. “How can I use this time wisely?” I would think. I like to harass myself until I crash so hard I have no choice but to relax. I crashed pretty hard at the beginning of this year and, instead of being refreshed and ready to work harder, I wanted to build a hibernation cave.

So last week I stopped feeling guilty while I rested. I stopped feeling guilty in New Orleans, too. I figured that I had written before and I would write again. I just needed a moment. I knew I had worked out before and I would work out again and find new and fun ways to burn off my obsessive energy. I had to unwind to accept these things back into my life. I had to, in the simplest of terms, RELAX.

And here I am now. Kind of on a perpetual grain alcohol hangover from my trip down South and working long hours in the office, but I’m here. Determined. I’m starting to feel like me again, which means the pressure is turning up quick. This weekend is going to be key in my recovery and I can’t wait to go back to driving myself crazy. Can someone please remind me to relax once in awhile so I don’t implode?!

I’m getting ready to go, 2015. More interesting things to come on here soon! Not just life updates….


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