My last post was one of my most read. I don’t know if that’s because it was pity clicks for my birthday, my first post in a long time, or that you genuinely thought it was funny…But since I don’t have my own team of researchers, I’m going to bank on the latter and format another post in a similar fashion. I’ve heard my .GIF finding skills are amazing so let’s see if I can do it again. I should probably mention that I am going to go back to regularly scheduled #booknerd topics in the New Year, but since it’s the end of the year and we’re all tired— fun posts will do.

Before I get into the meat of this thing, I have one writerly thing I have to indulge because that was the whole point of this blogging thing. (Pro Tip: Read the ABOUT page.) I’m being published in a REAL literary magazine.

Yeah! This will be first piece of nonfiction in print! The best part of this mag, which I will divulge later in January, is that it is entirely online for FREE as well as print, so you’ll all be able to read this piece I am so into. Ya! Now, with that all out of the way…

Did you know that tomorrow is 2015? I keep telling myself I’m going to sit down and create that list of goals and resolutions and plans but I haven’t yet. In fact, I haven’t really written since Christmas and the break feels good and guiltless. I am making progress in the field of not judging myself too harshly! Sopping up time with my family, my little dog, and my cute-ass boyfriend has been my main focus and I have loved every moment.

I am looking forward to killing it next year and I will share my legitimate list with y’all later when I’m not napping for 9 days straight. For now I’m going to share a few goals of mine that are a little less serious but not any less important to my growing up as a real person. I think it’s important that we have pie-in-the-sky (now I want pizza) goals AND easier to achieve goals. Drop down below for some fun!

1. I will stop touching my face at work
First of all, it’s gross because I’m an Office Manager and touch other people’s shit all day. Not enough Purell in the world for these babies. Also, I spend ten minutes putting makeup on every morning only to go to work and rub it all off. Stop it, hands! Find another way to display my exhaustion and disgust with the world, please!

2. I will reapply lipstick
On a similar note, I will reapply lipstick. I have this problem, you see, which is that I EAT ALL DAY LONG, so it’s really hard to keep cute lipstick on. I do have cute lipsticks and I will reapply them, damn it. I can do this! Also, don’t tell me to get lip stain. I have some. I get it. What you don’t get is that I want to wear lipstick like a lady, ok? Get off my back!

3. I will stop talking trash in my head about other people on the subway 
I catch myself muttering and thinking about how shitty people are every morning and night. Even if it’s true, this is a terrible waste of time and is weakening my heart. I’ll save my rage for when I need to be vocal and pack the rest away.

4. I will sit my dog down and explain to him that he is The Good Boy I am referring to
At this point in my life it seems like the mature thing to do.

5. I will have more friends over
…Because not going out and spending a ton of money is awesome! Because cooking is awesome! Because making your BFFs responsible for dessert is awesome! Because drinking 5 bottles of assorted wine is awesome! Because being hungover on a Tuesday is not awesome but worth it! Seriously, I need to get over the fear that people hate my apartment and just invite them over. If they don’t come… it’s their loss right?

6. I will throw some shit out
I have a lot of shit, and even though I get weirdly emotional about throwing it out, like a hoarder, I always feel better afterwards. I am going to throw out everything! And yes, of course I am going to donate gently used clothing and items. I’m not an animal.


7. I will learn how to Snapchat properly
I once thought I was the Queen of Social Media. I had a Tumblr in college for crying out loud! I am so hip! But I just don’t get Snapchat. When people send me pictures of their smooshed up sick faces or whatever… am I supposed to reply? If you’ve ever Snapchatted with me you’ll know that I usually just send a picture of my thumb. As in “Thumbs Up! I received your Snapchat! Alright!” …I am fading into obscurity faster than NYC Prep.

8. I will make 6 more Instagram accounts
Just kidding. I just hope IG never disappears like Myspace did. Which totally revamped and now I can’t even look at my old profile that’s *~*WRiTTeN lyk dis*~*

9. I will look with my eyes, not with my mouth
Yeah, that reads a little bit more sexual than I intended but I’m leaving it. I tend to misplace stuff. My boyfriend’s a neat freak which is great because then I can just blame him most of the time. But I’ve lost so many valuable things over the years (a CD player, rings, my virginity…) that I immediately FREAK OUT when I can’t find something and yell about it instead of actually looking for it. Turns out that if I use my eyes, I can find the item. Fancy that.

10. I’ll give blog posts with lists a rest for awhile
I don’t want to overdo the one good thing I have going for me right now.