I am a total nerd for lists. Lists and calendars help keep my scattered brain somewhat focused even though it’s generally just a mess of ideas, questions, memories, and junk that just kind of scrambles in and out the door before I get a grasp on it.

I have a planner full of lists, a notebook for my to-dos when I get home from work, lists in my phone about things I need to buy, lists at work detailing out my projects, lists of upcoming events and holidays, lists about the dog, lists about making a new list. They are endless. I love to write them and re-write them when they’ve become too messy. I like crossing off items when they’re done and smiling to myself. I like to make exorbitantly long lists and challenge myself to finish them. I am a lover getting stuff done and using lists to get there.

I love my lists which is why I was compelled to write a new kind of list today. I wanted to try and list out all the things I will not do. Like I said, I’m forgetful, and sometimes (or all the time) I forget that there are just some things I SHOULD NOT do. Like… take care of myself in a different way outside of the manicures and facials and stretching I do.

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THINGS TO NOT DO

Feel guilty for staying in
No Mo’ FOMO. I’m typically pretty good at this but lately, maybe it’s because it’s the winter, I’ve been feeling pretty terrible for choosing to cuddle my dog than tear it up somewhere. I need to balance it out and enjoy my bed when I can.

Apologize for my movie collection
Yeah, I own Disturbia and Halloween H20. Let me live my life.

Apologize for being me
I can say some really cantankerous stuff. And for that I should apologize but most of the time I find myself apologizing for the wrong stuff. Like laughing at my own jokes, eating all the time, and wearing tacky sweatshirts from the 90s. I shouldn’t apologize for the things that make me, me. This is a huge work in progress.

Eat so much sugar
And by sugar I mean alcohol and by eat I mean drink.

Get up early for no reason
I love to get up at 6am to get a bunch of stuff done. There’s nothing better. But on the days that I really don’t need to be up that early I should just sleep instead of wandering around my apartment picking up dog toys until the sun comes up. I just realized I sound like my mother.

Always Answer the Phone
You do not always need to be available.

Take quiet moments for granted
I have a hard time being alone. I get my energy from others and from having to much to do and too many people to see. But, I should learn to appreciate the moments that I am just locked up in my apartment. I don’t have to brush my hair or pretend to like anyone. It’s pretty great.

Carry so much stuff to and from work
I need to seriously come up with a new system. Do I need a book, a planner, a journal, a notepad and six pens? Probably not. But they make me feel secure, even if my back will give out by the time I am 50. I need to minimize my carry somehow.

Apologize for no reason
This is right up there with apologizing for who I am. I am also going to stop apologizing for things I have no control over. Like the weather. What kind of psycho apologizes for it raining? This lady right here.

Lie about my feelings
If I enjoy spending with someone or I am not in the mood for happy hour, I should probably just own up to it. Either way, I am embracing what I am really feeling.

Compare Myself to Others
On one hand I have people in my life with amazing careers, their faces all over the news constantly. On the other hand I have people who are already married and walking around with babies attached to them. I’m somewhere in between and most days I really wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. But on the rare days that I feel like my car got stuck in the mud when everyone else is off at full speed, I just have to sit and remember that no two journeys are alike and that mine is pretty special just the way it is.

Most of these sound corny but I’m not apologizing for who I am today. We all have to live with that now.