I finally submitted some stuff. Finally forced myself to bring a piece to completion and ship out to be judged. I unfortunately finally got my act together after most literary magazines have closed their submissions for the summer. I found a few that take rolling submissions that I’d like to see my work in and went for it. Now in 3-4 months I’ll have a couple rejections!
I am forcing myself to bring smaller projects to completion every month and submit them by the 1st of the following month. I actually met my deadline this month and I am thrilled. Whether the piece was really up to snuff remains to be seen but at least I’m putting some effort in somewhere.
I’ve started researching some summer classes I can take, I do much better in a rigorous setting with deadlines and stress, so I am hoping by taking one I’ll come out the end with some good work. My best work– my published work– has always come out of taking a class. Now to find the actual money to afford such a class…there is the flaw in my plan.
As for the realness that you all come to me for… I am feeling pretty down about it all. In fact, I’m feeling entirely lost by the whole thing. I feel alone.
Most of the time I am working in a silo. My friends, though I love them dearly, are not writers. I have no community, few people to read my work, few people for support. I write at home alone, judge my work very harshly, and never move any project forward. I am not even a rut, I am where ruts go to die.
Perhaps the most challenging part about all of this is that my personality does not match up with what a writer should really be. I am far too social, I get lonely easily… not exactly the traits that have made up the greats. But I am trying and I am trying to come up with a game plan to move stuff forward, find publishers, actually finish work… but I feel a little lame.
I’m trying to seek out more opportunity and maybe find a community that will accept me. There are so many groups for fiction writers, where do we odd essayists go to for support? Taking suggestions of course.
I can’t help but think of Einstein today and his quote, “If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got.” I think it is time I break the mold of what I have always done and try some new approaches to my goals. What those look like, I of course don’t know right now, but it’s time to get creative.